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The Un-edited Truth of Di

Month

July 2015

Anticipation 

I tend to over analyze everything. It’s not that I always mean to, it’s just that I tend to mull things over. I’ve always been a fan of adventure and I have one scheduled pretty soon. At this point everything has been pretty much settled. However the icing on the cake isn’t anything that I can control. It depend on the choices of someone else. But that’s life. I’m just hoping for a good time regardless. 

Yesterday

So yesterday I had the chance to interact with an individual that I have a lot of respect for. This person is someone that I have a no-contact order on. Basically that means that I’ve resolved to not contact him on a regular basis and I hold myself accountable. I can be an intense person and a no contact order keeps me aware of my actions. But I digress. The reason I contacted him was because I hadn’t had any contact with him in months and wanted to check in. To be honest while I was the one the reached out, I was shocked when I actually got a response. You have to keep in mind that this is someone that I have built a decent amount of rapport with in the last few years. Needless to say it was a nice exchange and it was good hearing from him. No, it wasn’t an ideal scenario but life doesn’t always go the way we want it to. Sometimes you just have to appreciate the small things. 

Loyal friends

I realized recently that most of my friendships are based on honesty. While I don’t have a ton of friends, I know that there are people who are somewhat honest with me and I can be somewhat honest with them. I still have yet to meet someone who I can be 100% honest with all the time.  I’m not complaining about that. There’s recently been a new(er) friendship that for once isn’t based on honesty. It’s based on loyalty. To be honest it’s actually somewhat refreshing. I know the basic information about this individual but not specifics. And for once I’m ok with that. The person has proved themself to be loyal to me and has been consistent in their loyalty. It’s really refreshing. I have a different type of relationship with this person and I like it that way. For some strange reason we are very compatible as friends and to know that this person has my back and can be counted on to be loyal means a lot to me. 

Lately I’ve met a fair amount of young adults my age who have already made the decision not to have children. I must admit that even I breathe a small sigh of relief when someone who has traditionally made some really bad decisions tells me they don’t have kids. I’m not saying that children are bad or anything, but I don’t think that every person who reaches adulthood should be a parent. I respect the people who have realized this and acted accordingly. The downside to the choice not to have children is that there really isn’t a lot of options as far as who takes care of you when you’re old. I’ve worked at a nursing home and  saw the positives of raising responsible children who could advocate when their parents couldn’t. Nowadays, if you have kids it’s a fight to distance them from the mass brain washing of the world. You can’t keep them safe and you have more challenges than your parents had. It’s a hard job. That being said, I truly believe that having biological kids isn’t  the best choice for everyone, but that maybe this can also translate to helping kids who are already born but feel unwanted. Maybe we can do a better job with the kids we already have instead of holding everyone to the societal expectation of reproducing. 

Motherhood goals

This pretty much sums it up for me if I were ever to be someone’s mother. I’ve met too many messed up kids and adults because of mother’s who didn’t make the best choices. 

  

Maybe

I’ve often heard people claim that they fell out of love with their partner. While logically this makes sense, I don’t understand it on an emotional level. Somehow I think that if you really love someone, you don’t ever stop. Your love for them doesn’t mean that they are required to love you back. I think true love is a logical decision that can’t be reversed. That means that it doesn’t go away despite circumstances. You don’t have to be with the person you love to still love them. You don’t have to marry the person you love. I’ve realized that love just isn’t enough to have a relationship. Other things have to be present. Romantic love can transition to content love. This happens when you want the other person to be happy regardless of the fact that they’ll never be with you in the way that you love. Love doesn’t go away, it just changes. It moves and changes shape and color but the basic elements remain the same. 

Significant other 

I must admit that there are times when I absolutely hate being single. I’m not a bitter person and I can genuinely be happy for people who have a supportive significant other. It’s just that I think at times it would be nice to have one of my own. To come home from work and either have someone there to greet me or to know that someone was on their way. To use all those stupid two for one coupons and to have dozens of inside jokes with. Someone to travel with and to have fun with.  I get it when people tell you to enjoy being single but it would be so clutch to have just one ride or die supportive person in my life who I just happen to romantically love. But I think that’s wishful thinking at this point. 

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