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The Un-edited Truth of Di

Month

November 2015

A letter

To the person who graciously consented to spend some time with me. 

To the person whose presence made me feel safe and comfortable 

To the person who was gracious enough to grant my wishes without complaint 

To the person who made me live in the moment and quieted my racing thoughts with grace and patience

To the person I could see a future with despite the odds 

I miss you. Goddamn it, I miss you. 

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It’s cold 

Maybe it’s the weather outside or the beyond stressful new job, but it would be so wonderful to cuddle with someone. To feel safe and secure for a few moments and knowing I’m not alone in the world would be great to experience. Sadly there are two people on the planet that I would want that with and both are unavailable with one residing on a different continent. Definitely an incentive to broaden my horizons… 

The training continues

I must admit that the past few days have reminded me why I hate being on the bottom rung of a corporate ladder. You are at the beck and call of your superiors and you take shit from everyone because it’s your job and that’s what you’re paid to do. Not my cup of tea but it’s somewhat tolerable because I’ve done it before. It’s interesting how people are the same–even after a change in geographic location. What I mean by that is that there are similar personalities everywhere. There are the forever optimists and then those who are always complaining about something. I can’t wait until this learning curve is over, but to be honest, I really can’t wait until I don’t have a boss. Maybe I’m just too much of a free spirit and I like being in charge instead.

A new thing 

I started a new job this week and it is quite the experience. I realize that while I like stability, I also like change. There’s so much to learn and I’m the new girl on the block. Getting access to the systems, ensuring that everything is learned is such a daunting process. I hate learning curves at times. But the good thing is that in a few weeks I’ll be fully trained. Definitely a good thing. 

Sometimes I hate the Universe

About a year ago I was at an event where I saw a very attractive man and ended up doing some research on him and discovering that he was very accomplished. We lived in the same city and had several mutual social connections and friends. I even had a friend that lived in his apartment building. I made a goal to meet him. There was an entire year or near misses. Being at the same events but coming at different times and other things. So tonight I FINALLY got to meet him. I won’t lie, I swooned just a bit because he really is good looking. We actually had a decent quick conversation before being interrupted. I swear the universe hates me at times. It really does. But at least the goal was realized. Too bad I moved across the country 4 weeks ago. 

Considerations 

I feel like I haven’t written in a while but that’s because I’ve been traveling. It’s funny how differently you see the world in a new environment. In the past month I’ve spent a substantial amount of time in airports waiting. It’s given me the chance to reflect a lot. One thing I’ve recently been reacquainted with thr lesson of doing the right thing even if it doesn’t feel good at first. I’m not a stranger to hard decisions but I still don’t like making them all the time. Sometimes you just have to stick to your guns. Do something for the benefit of your future self. I think that’s imperative. 

Disappointment 

Like the majority of the human population, I hate disappointment. It’s a letdown to see a Hope or dream reduced to a pile of nothing. And yet, when we see people who have gone through horrific things and survived there’s a sense of hope that they possessed. They didn’t let their environment and disappointments take away their hope. They persisted despite their current situation. Disappointment happens to the best of us and many times it’s out of our control. But we can choose how we handle it. That’s what matters because everything won’t always go the way we want. 

Center of attention 

I’ve never been the type of person who liked a lot of attention. I’m pretty content being in the background and making things happen from there. However, it’s a different story when it comes to certain people. I was reading from my diary recently and what was very apparent was how hyper-focused I can be. I still didn’t like attention except from the person who I liked. Each and every seemingly meaningful interaction was written in detail. A few days ago I turned a year older. To be honest I’m not really into birthdays but they are always a time for reflection. This time was a bit different because I realized that I have to build up another group of friends that I trust. Last year there were some people who I genuinely felt close to but that’s not the case anymore. I guess it’s time to get out of the box and meet new people *cringe* it’s an introvert nightmare but must be done.

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