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The Un-edited Truth of Di

Month

July 2017

What I’m thinking¬†

I have the biggest crush in one of my of my IG followers and there’s actually a good reason. Unlike a lot of people who have crushes on followers they’ve never met, I’ve actually met him. I’m not one to swoon but I can’t help it with him and I can admit that he is one of the most attractive men I’ve ever seen in real life. Plus it doesn’t help that he’s responsible for the absolute best date this year—top three in my lifetime. The sad thing is that we won’t ever be anything. If only things could be different. But I’ll still “like” every post ūüôā 

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Communication 

It’s so hard to build something with people who can’t communicate. I tend to be very upfront about issues and I appreciate the same consideration in return. That’s one thing my ex was good at–communicating. I miss that. Just not him. 

Tiredness

One thing that I hate but also love about being a therapist is that I’m self-aware. I’m an advocate for healthy relationships where both people are committed but have yet to find that for myself. To be honest I’m just tired of trying. I know the common denominator is me and blah blah blah but it just sucks to never have had anyone who was actually serious about something long term. The scores of people who swear up and down that they want something committed but all the promises disappear when the rubber hits the road. I’m tired of being set up, tired of hoping, tired of being anxious and hoping that someone will decide to stick around. I’m just tired. I hate dating. Hate trying to build something from the ground up and having to abandon it before it even fully starts. It’s the kind of thing that makes you want to curl up into a fetal position and sob but that won’t really do anything. I just want to go to bed every night beside my best friend and have some semblance of happiness. But maybe that’s just not in the cards for me. It’s what I’ve wanted for as long as I can remember. Sometimes we don’t get what we want.

Cutting it off now

I’m a huge fan of the show Catfish and I’m only writing this on here because I like to process by writing. I met a guy online about 7 months ago. He said he was a doctor who lived in Massachusetts. We’ve texted almost every day since then but there are so many things that are just red flags. He says he’s too busy to call. I’ve talked to him TWICE over the phone in 7 months and both conversations have been under 4 minutes. I’ve asked about FaceTime but he keeps avoiding the question. I’ve asked for his last name and searched the state registry for his medical license. No such name. Every time I confront him all of a sudden I’m the one who’s in the wrong and paranoid because I refuse to fly to Massachusetts to meet him. But I’m not doing that for someone who’s identity I can’t verify. It’s crazy. But everything seems to indicate that he’s lying and that’s just not cool. He obviously doesn’t care at this point and I’m not going to pursue it further. I held on so long because I wanted him to be serious but he’s probably some old wrinkled man in some random place with an iPhone. Ok, decision has been made. He’s done. I just wish people were honest. 

Been a while

Ok y’all. It’s been a while since I’ve written. Not a lot has changed and my love life is still the same. I came across this picture and it sums up everything so perfectly. I don’t even have anything else to say. 

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