One thing that I hate but also love about being a therapist is that I’m self-aware. I’m an advocate for healthy relationships where both people are committed but have yet to find that for myself. To be honest I’m just tired of trying. I know the common denominator is me and blah blah blah but it just sucks to never have had anyone who was actually serious about something long term. The scores of people who swear up and down that they want something committed but all the promises disappear when the rubber hits the road. I’m tired of being set up, tired of hoping, tired of being anxious and hoping that someone will decide to stick around. I’m just tired. I hate dating. Hate trying to build something from the ground up and having to abandon it before it even fully starts. It’s the kind of thing that makes you want to curl up into a fetal position and sob but that won’t really do anything. I just want to go to bed every night beside my best friend and have some semblance of happiness. But maybe that’s just not in the cards for me. It’s what I’ve wanted for as long as I can remember. Sometimes we don’t get what we want.