I hate being stood up. It just shows a disregard for my feelings. It happened with a guy recently who said he wanted to meet me but then never spoke to me again. It may happen with another guy this weekend. I just wish people wanted the same thing I do. A commitment. But that’s damn near impossible to find these days. Wish it wasn’t so hard. I just want to wake up next to the person I love who loves me back and isn’t going anywhere.
Apart from being a great Michael Jackson song, butterflies are something that I want with a significant other. I know to focus on the personality and character but I also want chemistry. Someone I’m actually attracted to. Lately I’ve been on some dates with good guys. They have careers and are stable but the attraction factor just isn’t there. Maybe one day I’ll meet someone with both.
I don’t know why but I like going to Vegas. It’s even better to go when you’re not broke. I’ve found that I really like slot machines but I also enjoy the lights and good food. One of my plans is to go back and experience a show that features an artist that I like. Recently I had a 3 hour layover in the airport and decided to play one of the many slot machines. I put a $20 bill in it and started playing. I was on a loosing streak until I went down to about $3 and then.. I hit the jackpot and “won” $52 bucks. It was so exhilarating. I got my money back with some interest and that’s why gambling is so freaking addictive. You have to know when to walk away. And while I immediately cashed out and went to find my gate, I was tempted to play some more. All that being said, I’m going to Vegas again at some point.
For the last few months I’ve been living in a lot of places. I’m in a new part of the country that has one of the most expensive housing rates and it’s been interesting. I recently did the math and calculated that I’m spending about 2 grand a month for housing. And this isn’t for an apartment, it’s for a room and bathroom in someone’s house. It’s been eye opening packing up all my earthly belongings and moving to a new place every two weeks. It’s absolutely exhausting. I’ve stayed at several places I’ve liked and others that I wasn’t crazy about. There have been some without any heat or AC and some that have not had hot water. It’s a new experience every time. I never thought that I’d miss the luxury of having a kitchen or a place where I could have friends over and chill. I kinds miss being settled but I want to be settled with someone. That’s just not a possibility right now. I kinda wish I had a home. Or someone to call home.
Lately I’ve been in this weird mode of quiet desperation to get my life together. I don’t know why but there are so many other things that I want to do besides what I’m doing now. Maybe it’s the lack of air conditioning, heat, and hot water in the place that I’m staying right now, but I just know that I need to do better. I’m working on things related to professional development and I’m in training for a new job and I’m trying to survive with these one day off weekends where I am just too tired to get anything done. I’ve always been the person to push through and while I wish I did have a significant other, the likelihood of that seems to be decreasing. But I’m still trying to keep an open mind. Here’s to new directions, decisions, careers, and traveling.
One thing I’ve enjoyed is learning more about my personality type. It’s challenging to feel like you’re an oddball because you feel things so deeply and can be super sensitive. I’m learning to appreciate the way that I am and how I am able to empathize with others. However it does make building friendships and relationships hard. This photo describes a lot and I can relate to it.
I’m the type of person who rarely goes on dates. They’re usually hella awkward and I end up wishing that I had just spent the night alone at home. But last night. So a while back–probably at least a year ago, I added a cute guy on IG and he followed me back. Nothing serious. We liked each other’s posts but nothing really intrusive and no conversations other than the occasional comment. When I moved to California I posted a picture at one of my favorite restaurants and he commented asking me what I was doing in his town. We both agreed that we needed to hang out at some point but it didn’t happen until last night. First off, I assumed that this guy was short. Nothing wrong with being short. I also assumed that he was going to stand me up. So when I got to the spot I ordered a drink and some food and was already chilling by the time he arrived. Oh. My. God. I saw this man in person and had to do a double take. He was so incredibly attractive. Like absolutely gorgeous. Long story short, it was a great night. He was easy to talk to, we people watched and joked around. For about 4 hours. It was incredible. I love talking to people who make me laugh. And at the end of the night he actually picked up the tab and paid a tip. And he walked me to my car and walked on the outside curb. Ya’ll know how rare that is??? I don’t know why this kind of thing doesn’t happen often but sometimes it’s nice to have a breath of fresh air and be reminded that decent people still exist. Maybe I’ll see him again. It was fun.